Catch-22 Not Done

No, I am not done with Joseph Heller's Catch-22.  Why am I posting?  Well because maybe I'll move forward if I do!  First of all, what I am going to write about here is NOT what I really anticipated talking about while reading the first half.  In fact, I imagined talking about the amusing style of writing, the novel approach at the lunacy of war and the delightful word play. Oh, how I have enjoyed those aspects of this book!  They are a delight and I really have found the rhythm of it alluring, so why am I stuck?  What in the world is keeping me from pressing on?

I COULD blame being too busy- very true, but I am always busy during the school year.  I COULD say that the cancellation of the atrocious Jay Leno hour at 10pm has made me watch more TV during what was once my reading hour each night- also partially true.  I COULD say I've been overly busy getting my National Boards stuff done, but that isn't really the problem either.  So what is it?

Well, here I am, once again in my lil' ol' life, stuck on something that slaps me of my past and I haven't quite shaken it off yet.  My friends know about my upbringing and if you don't, no big whoop.  I lived the first 15 years of my life with a mentally ill, abusive father (also a respected doctor in our town, so very smart with his abuse it would sicken you) that physically and mentally beat me, my sister and my mom.  He not only hurt me, but targeted me as the main focus of his hatred from the age of 9 when my mom mistakenly told him that I had wanted to leave.  A good example of his feeling towards me would be his last words to me- Heather has heard this- he told me that I was sent from the devil to destroy his life.  And he meant it.  So there you have it.  I doesn't embarrass me to talk about, but it pisses me off when I get hit by the unexpected things that remind me of him or of myself when I was in survival mode or the weak girl that crawled out at the age of 15 and didn't even know what it meant to take a breath at home that wasn't filled with fear.

So what in the book triggered something for me?  It was seeing myself in the repulsive, wise, man that ran the whorehouse in Italy.  It wasn't all of his rant, but the stinging truth of what people will do to survive and how morals and "standing up for what is right" isn't always conducive to actually surviving.  I am so angry at how deeply I know and understand that and I want to smack the naive Nately for his repulsion.  He doesn't understand it- he finds him vile. Despicable.  He is horrified by this man's words, of which there are many, but here are a few...

"'When the Germans marched into the city, I danced in the streets like a youthful ballerina and shouted 'Heil Hitler!' until my lungs were hoarse... When the German's left the city, I rushed out to welcome the Americans with a bottle of excellent brandy and a basket of flowers...'"

So many times I pretended to be anything that would please my father, anything that would keep him from wanting to destroy me.  I survived like the old man, by being as pleasing and quiet as possible (can you IMAGINE me quiet and subdued?) and as this icky old man goes on to say, he knows he, and his country, will survive this war as well.  They will bend and lose in order to survive.  They will be turncoats.  But they will be loathed for it.  And that is why I am pissed off.  I am so tired of hearing people judge others when they haven't faced anything. Nately, in his innocent protected world, sits and condemns and it sickens me how many people do that to battered women.  If you haven't lived that kind of fear, you don't know what you'd do to survive and you don't understand the slow, creeping manipulations and control that holds people in situations like that.  Instead of judging, maybe they should thank God that they've never had to find out what they'd do to make it.  Of course, the old man would tell you, those that think that way WON'T survive...

So, I don't know.  There it is.  As I said, my posts are not always going to be about what the main themes of a book are, but how they hit me and my personal reactions to them.  Take it for what it is, I guess.  I know I'll finish it during spring break and I want to, I really do.  It is amazing- delightfully funny and yet full of brilliant insight.  I'll bet most people who read what the old man had to say won't get out of it what I did- and I did get what this character was saying to the masses, but it was what he said to me that I just needed to write about.

The $64 Tomato

Being a garden enthusiast, I've read my fair share of garden magazines over the past few years, several of which made reference to The $64 Tomato. So when I saw it on the shelf at the library last week, I snatched it up as quickly as possible, like a Wal-Mart shopper grabbing $3 pajama's on Black Friday.

And while I'll admit that The $64 Tomato isn't "classic literature", this one is a gardeners classic, sure to please. Mr. Alexander shares his tale of a decade long quest for the perfect kitchen garden, with all of the good, bad and ugly in between. Not only was I nodding my head at the naive garden dreams, miscalculations and mishaps, but I laughed out loud at the Clark Griswold like fantasies, the Caddyshack-like zeal for rodent eradication, and tales of the neighbor's gigantic yard phallus. It was a winner from start to finish. It's the perfect book for a gardener ready for spring planting!

Mr. Alexander has a new book coming out in a few months, 52 Loaves. I can't wait.

Uncle Tom's Cabin-Part I

Uncle Tom's Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe

During my high school years, Uncle Tom’s Cabin remained on the list of approved classics that English teachers gave out at the beginning of the year. Since that time, there has been local controversy over the appropriateness of the subject matter. I’m not sure where it stands on our school corporations reading list now, but if I had to hazard a guess, I’m betting it isn’t there anymore. But the controversy was enough to put Uncle Tom’s Cabin on my radar and finally decided to give it a go.


Although I’ve been reading it for a few weeks now, I’m only a third of the way through it. What can I say? It’s not a book that I enjoy. In fact, I’ve had difficulty sleeping on the nights when I’ve read it right before bed. Obviously, with two black daughters, reading about blacks being treated as less than human is uncomfortable. Reading hateful derogatory remarks makes me squirm. I’ve even cried a few times after reading about this cruelty or that punishment. But then, those are all things I expected from the book.


What I did not expect, and what I find just as disturbing as the issue of slavery, is the commentary on the Christian church, then and now. There are several references to southern preachers preaching the acceptance of slavery.


For those of us that go, we often head to church on Sunday under the premise that our pastor is there to guide us in following the path of Jesus Christ. We turn a blind eye to the political nature of the church, and accept as fact all of the moral judgments our kindly pastor, with his superior understanding of the Word, has to offer.


And yet. . . .Here is a clear example, certain proof, that even the Bible can be manipulated to support the political ideology of the times. I don’t think anyone, outside of the KKK or Neo-Nazi groups, would agree that Christians have a right to own another human being, but church leaders of that time supported, tolerated, or encouraged the practice. It leaves me wondering what morals we’ve gleaned from our own church that will be considered political propaganda a hundred years from now.


At the very least, I’m left with a need to look more closely at the political agenda at our church or any church for that matter. And that just doesn’t feel very good. It has taken something that has seemed so good and replaced it with doubt and misgivings.

I will finish the book. I might even change my mind about it. But I’m not sure about the timetable. It’s an emotionally difficult read for me.

Not Book Related!

Thanks to my fellow bloggers for being willing to post Mary's "Chip In button" on the righthand side of this blog. Who is Mary? She is a wonderful, kind, loving young lady who has been waiting in Ghana for her forever family for much too long. I first met Mary in the summer of 2008, when I traveled to meet my 3 beautiful Ghanaian children and to file their required adoption paperwork at the embassy there. There truly was something about Mary! Warmth radiated from her- she was always willing to help others, offered a kind smile to all and just moved me by her loving presence. And I am not the only one that has never forgotten her... Mary has been on many of our adoptive families' hearts. When I traveled the second time I remember wishing with all my heart that God would find that special girl a family soon. Our family has prayed for that daily since that summer, almost 2 years ago.

It is hard to imagine what it must have been like for her to watch generation after generation of Eban House kids be united with their families, to watch them hug and cry, to go on outings, and finally to leave for this blessed place "America" she keeps dreaming about. She has seen it time and time again, always hoping that someday it will be her turn. There is currently a family that adopted not long after us that is trying to adopt sweet Mary, but they face a few challenges. First, their family is "too large" to adopt by Ghana's social welfare standards, but they are working to try to appeal that. We are praying that they are successful. But even if this hurdle is faced and overcome, they have stepped out in faith that somehow the finances will come together because they don't have this lined up AT ALL. International adoption is expensive, don't we know it, and so this is something that because they have stepped out in faith, our family is going to do what we can to get the word out in hopes that many people will be able to give a little to help this beautiful child come home. Even in the family currently in process can't get approval to adopt Mary, this fund will wait for the family that can. All of this money will be a part of bringing Mary home.

So, if you can, please consider donating to Mary's cause. Even if it is $5, that is $5 that will be added to other people's $5 and it will make a difference. I hope you'll pop over to http://fromdiaperstodormsblog.blogspot.com/2010/02/meet-mary.html to read a little bit more about Mary and get to see a few pictures of her. She really is an angel. The day she comes home to her family will be a special day for all of us that have met her and been touched by her special spirit.

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde"by Robert Louis Stevenson

Its nice to be able to check a renown literary classic off your life reading list; its even nicer to really enjoy the literary classic you're reading, rather than simply enduring it. I'm happy to say that "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" was a classic I thoroughly enjoyed, and I can absolutely see why it has earned its place as a touchstone in our popular culture.
This story falls into the category of "a story that everyone already thinks they know," even if they've never read it (like "Dracula," and "Frankenstein"). And just like many high school and college readers are surprised to discover that Frankenstein is NOT the name of the monster (and even more surprised to learn that the monster is not even really the bad guy, in many ways), I was happily surprised at the depth and detail of this tale. Sure, the basics that we all think we know are there: an amateur scientist develops a tonic that turns him from time to time into a hideous beastly wretch. Yeah, that's the gist...but there's so much more. It is a really fun adventure and mystery story, to begin...not the dry Victorian prose I was expecting. And at its heart it is a nuanced and profound exploration of identity and morality, of the ethical dangers that lie on the scientific frontier, and an unflinching look at the evil which lies just beneath the surface in us all. It is the best of both worlds: an intellectual and thoughtful page-turner. Suffice it to say, I loved it.
Its a quick read, too: my edition clocks in at a very modest and weekend-readable 88 pages, and additionally includes a few other short stories by Robert Louis Stevenson (which were also very fun).
If you're looking for a canonized classic that you can humbly announce you're reading - but you want it to go down easier than cod liver oil - "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" would be a great choice.

Siddhartha

By Hermann Hesse

I just finished this book. I was home, still feeling a bit sick today, but better than the day before, and I read about half of it today, taking breaks between chapters to fully absorb what I was reading. I can still feel the stiffness of dried tears on my face.

As soon as I began reading this book earlier in the week, I realized that I was going to be taking a different approach than I normally do when I read. Rather than consuming this, I was going to need to take it slower- there was so much to contemplate. I am not sure that I have read anything that was crafted in such a way that every single sentence mattered so much. Most books I've read have their message delivered in paragraphs or in a page, perhaps even in a chapter, but not Siddhartha. I found myself reading slowly, pausing often, to consider what was being said. I do not believe a word is out of place in the entire book. The language is not overly complicated at all, but it is perfect for communicating the complexity of the ideas in the clearest way.

I am sitting here, trying to think of how I even begin to say what I should about this book. In all honesty, I am not sure that I can. There was too much that I thought about, too much that made me question, too much that moved me. I felt I understood Siddhartha, his inner struggle, his desire to know, his trust in his own path (oh, I can relate so personally to this, as I never follow the path prescribed to me, but instead listen to what I think is best), the respect and acknowledgment of the need for each individual to find his or her own path to the destiny that awaits him or her (towards the end)... It connected with me in a way I have maybe never felt before. The cyclical search from (and of) birth to death and the understanding of the oneness of everything, the necessity of pain and pleasure to coexist, the understanding of the mirrors of his path to his son's, and the peace that the connectedness of it all delivers to Siddhartha literally had me weeping. When he, with his ferryman sitting beside him, finally understands and the "blossoming of his pain" occurs (which sounds like a terrible thing but is truly the greatest wisdom) and he reaches peace, the peace he has sought throughout his life, it just completely overtook me. I can't explain it fully and if you've read it, I'm guessing I don't have to. Oh this blurb is so inadequate really, but if I discussed even half of what I thought and felt while reading Siddhartha, I'd be typing for hours!

If you haven't read it, I hope you'll consider it. This is a masterpiece. I will never forget it and I most certainly will need to read more from Hermann Hesse. I am so very glad to have read it.

Pride and Prejudice- Volume III

By Jane Austen

Swoon!  Oh, yes I did.  I GET it now.  I know why just about every woman on the planet loves this book.  Could there be anything more romantic and thrilling to think of being so incredibly adored by a rich, accomplished man (2 things that never mattered to me personally, but if it happens to be a part of the package, so be it, right?) that he will perform secret acts of love to save your family (foolish Lydia!) and subdue himself to hear truth he needs to hear which you, and only you, can deliver to him?  And to profess his love so humbly and having two hearts joined together at last?  Oh, I feel a bit like a silly girl admitting how much enjoyed that ending.  But I did!  Had I been wearing a dress as I finished, I might have been tempted to twirl.  ;)

I've already addressed much of my thoughts on this book in previous 2 posts, so I think I'll just leave it at that.  I'm not sure I need to read another Jane Austen anytime in the near future, but I am glad I stuck with this one. It was lovely and poetic.  And I am DAMN glad I had a palate cleanser between this and Lolita.  

So what's next?  I had been planning on Lord of the Flies, but it just doesn't feel like the right time for it, so, if you care to comment and give me your input, I am weighing the following options for my next selection:

1. Siddhartha, Hermann Hesse

2. Crime and Punishment, Fyodor Dostoevsky

3. The Education of Little Tree, Forrest Carter

If I don't hear from anyone here, I might pop over to Facebook, but I thought I'd throw it out here first.  :)